Favorite Funny Quotes

• Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
  
  -Will Rogers
  
• Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  
  -Groucho Marx
  
• I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
  
  -George Burns
  
• Coffee isn't my cup of tea.
  
  -Samuel Goldwyn
  
• I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
  
  -Bob Hope
  
• Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.
  
  -Robert Benchley
  
• The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
  
  -Arthur Schopenhauer
  
• More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
  
  -Robert Orben
  
• Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
  
  -G. K. Chesterton
  
• I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.
  
  -Katherine Hepburn